Certain topics seem to frequently tumble around in my brain. Friendship is one of those topics. Particularly, my friendships, both past and present. Some friendships have been wonderful from day 1, some started out as a beautiful thing but have ended in disaster. Some are formed out of common circumstances, like co-workers, class/dorm-mates, etc. Some of those friendships last beyond the common experience, while others fade away once circumstances and proximity to each other change. Other friendships are God-ordained. You know, those people you meet that you just "click" with and feel like you've been friends forever, and to whom you feel comfortable telling the most personal details of your soul. Circumstance friends are typically easy to find, and I'm sure most of us could rattle off a list of current friends in that category. But the other kind, the more valuable kind, are much harder to come by. And, in my opinion, just as hard to keep. Most of my thoughts on friendships come from lamenting over the treasured friendships I have not been able to keep. And most recently, I've tried to take an honest look at myself and figure out why this is. I'd like to blame it all on the other party, but since we've established in previous posts that I am prone to fits of selfishness and pride, I certainly have to accept my responsibility in relationships' demise. I'd like to proclaim what a wonderful friend I am: I try hard not to gossip, I do what I can when a friend needs help, I'm funny and honest-to-a-fault. But then I also have to list all my short-comings: (We'll skip selfishness and pride, since I already mentioned those!) I am not so quick to encourage or uplift someone just for the fun of it; I have a tendency to hide my true feelings on personal matters for fear of rejection or broken confidence; I hide in my shell and stew when I've been offended instead of being honest; I prefer to be friends with people who think exactly like I do on all matters of importance, etc., etc. So probably I have more to do with those lost friendships than I care to admit.
And then. I started thinking about Jesus, and comforting myself with the fact that He is a friend who will never fail, will never leave, will never disappoint. Which is itself a very comforting fact!
But THEN. I had to look at the kind of friend I am to Christ. And here's where it gets even uglier. Jesus is always there for me, whenever I need him or want him. I can't say the same for myself. I put so many other things in front of him throughout the day, maybe giving him a few minutes of time at the end of the day when I'm about to fall asleep, or when disaster strikes and I'm frantic. I'm so quick to ask for things from him, (in fact, most of my prayer time is often just that) but I have to remind myself to thank and praise him for what he's already done. I could go on, but you get the picture. I think the bottom line is this: when I learn to be a better friend to Jesus, the best friend ever, I think I'll learn to be a better friend to those he has seen fit to put in my life.