Tuesday, February 22, 2011
I have recently learned something about myself...I am very indecisive. Now, if you ask Jason, he would tell you this is no great revelation. In fact, it drives him crazy that I don't like to decide on anything, even simple things like where to go out for dinner on our rarely occurring dates. This is not because I don't know what I like or because we have an overwhelming number of choices. I am simply afraid of making the wrong decision. And in the last two months, we have faced some important decisions. Grown up decisions. Decisions that affect more than just me and my appetite. And I am terrified that I will choose the wrong thing and something catastrophic will happen. Yes, I pray for wisdom and God's direction, because I truly want to live in obedience. But I suppose the bigger fear is that I will miss God's will for my life and the lives of my husband and children. And how do you really know if something is God's will, anyway? I don't know about you, but I haven't seen any burning bushes, and no angels have visited me lately to tell me God's plan for my life. So I started searching the Word for times when God revealed His will to someone. Many times in the Old Testament it says that "the Lord said..." or "the Lord appeared ... and said..." or "the word of the Lord came to..." God also appeared in dreams to different people, giving them instructions, or sent an angel to do the instructing. Now, these were before the OT was written, so I guess God really had no other way to communicate with people other than to simply speak to them. And the crazy and comforting part of it all is the people who have those physical and visible encounters with God or his messengers and still they ask, "But how will I know...?" Are you kidding me?? God or his angel is standing in front of you telling you what to do or what will happen, and you want MORE PROOF??? Jesus had the same experience with the Jews. He had already performed dozens of miracles, yet the Jews still wanted a "sign to prove his authority to do all this." I mean, weren't the miracles themselves the proof of his authority? So I am not alone in my desire for absolute certainty before acting. Unfortunately, God is not in the habit of appearing in my living room or speaking out loud in my bedroom. But I do have the Bible, and I have prayer. And I have to stop second guessing when I sense Him leading and start walking in obedience in the little things He asks me to do. Because being afraid to make any decision is essentially making the wrong decision. And now we all know I don't want to do that!